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Today I want to write about a Mom I really admire.I won't use her name in case it might embarass her -- and heck, I don't use my own name on here -- but she lives in my neighborhood and has two kids, a 3-year-old son and an older daughter (I think she's 7 or 8 but I'm embarassed to say I'm not sure) who has Down's Syndrome. I'll call her Em. I met Em right after my daughter was born, when I was walking the little one up and down the street while she screamed with colic. Em was in the yard with her son and approached me with sympathy. I've visited her periodically since then, and I am inspired by her because she seems relatively unruffled in the face of the trials of motherhood. She always seems to have a clear game plan for how to handle everything from discipline to potty training to her kids' summer boredom. She has thought through how she wants to handle different scenerios, created a plan ahead of time and follows through with it. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she has bad days and she's not so perfect that I would feel bound to hate her. (Grin.)
Like Em, I do a lot of thinking out strategy reading up on things like discipline and potty training. But I feel like I never get clear in my mind about the right approach and I'm not consistent.
For example, I want to set up a clear set of behavior expectations for my daughter but I never feel clear about what my daughter is capable of. So I don't know if I'm being too lax with her, or if I'm sensibly accepting that some behaviors are just symptoms of being a 2-year-old and I need to let them roll off my back. I've been stumped about temper tantrums; ignoring her doesn't seem to either end the tantrum in progress or deter her from future ones. Em quite sensibly pointed out that I must be reinforcing the behavior somehow, even if I don't mean to and I don't understand how. So I'm trying to figure out a different approach. My daughter already doesn't like to play in her room much, so I don't want to make it a punishment to be there. I was thinking of making the Pack-n-Play a timeout spot, not so much for misbehavior as a place to calm down where I can leave the room and not give her any attention. Anyone have any thoughts?
But I digress. I think Em is so capable partly because she had to learn extra skills to help her elder daughter. Em seems to take in stride the extra challenges of mothering a wonderful child who has has special needs, and even handle them with creativity and aplomb. (I believe Em is also just a very positive person by nature, and that cheerfulness is a balm to those around her.) She has taught her younger son well to value his sister's knowledge and abilities. I so appreciate her example, and that of the other mothers in my life who have shared their experiences with me. It's especially meaningful to me since my own mother is no longer around to consult.
Do all moms feel like they are only masquerading as someone capable about half the time, or is it just me?