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My husband and I were married two years before we decided to start our family. We told family and friends that we were selfish and didn't want to have any kids. When I saw children misbehaving in public I would say "I can't have kids because they would take me to jail for beating them for acting like that in public." I couldn't believe what I saw. Until I became a Mom!
Once we finally decided to have children I had two miscarriages and wondered why God would do that to me. I was someone who wanted to be a Mom and there were so many women having kids they didn't want. We lived in Atlanta and all the time we heard stories about someone leaving a new born baby at the emergency room or worse in a dumpster somewhere. I finally realized having a child was a big deal and God wanted me to be ready before he handed me the largest responsibility of my life - Being a Mom.
When I found out I was pregnant again I was determined I was going to do everything right and that I would have this baby! I visited the doctor ever week during the first trimester having blood work done to make sure my hormone levels were just right for baby. After the first three months the doctor told me I should be safe for the rest of the pregnancy. It wasn't really anything I did - God said it was time.
I loved being pregnant. I felt so alive and full of energy. I also loved having an excuse to eat whatever I wanted whenever (2AM) I wanted it! I gained 70 pounds and labored 23 hours with my dearest daughter Halie. She liked it all cozy and safe in there and didn't want to see the world yet. Again, I know God was dealing with me and I just wasn't ready during the first 22 and 1/2 hours of labor. Still I needed to understand what was really happening to me.
Finally, it was time and God granted me the pleasure of delivering into this world the most beautiful little girl ever. It's amazing how connected you instantly feel with this little bundle of joy. I was so proud of her and what we had accomplished together. Her Dad had absolutely nothing to do with it! LOL!
As she began to grow into this little person with her own personality and character I forgot about the pain of delivery and the brokenness in my heart for the first three babies I lost. (I was pregnant with twins the second miscarriage - remember, God knew I was NOT ready!) Every day I grew more and more in love with this child. I loved Being a Mom. She was so perfect. Until she turned 2!
To be continued...