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The Balancing Act
My parental patience is wearing thin. We've been trying to teach Faith how to ride her bicycle and we're not getting anywhere. I can say that she is great at braking. She's got that down. Anytime Matt lets go of her, she slams on the brakes. "I can't balance." "I can't do it." "I can't." "I'll just have to miss out on all the fun of riding a bike." Add a little bit of tears and you have the soundtrack of our attempts. I've been searching the Internet and talking to friends and family about how they succeeded. My husband remembers his father making him learn. I don't have any memory of learning as I believe I was really little. Having an older sibling whizzing around you on a bike is really good inspiration. My little red Schwinn didn't keep its training wheels for long. Our mistake is that Faith has kept hers way too long. Add a nasty fall over the handle bars and you can understand her fear. I never thought she'd allow herself to be shown up by younger boys in the neighborhood, but she doesn't seem to care. The Internet advised having her coast down hills first and then start the pedaling. She didn't like that idea. After some coaxing, she agrees to try but when we get out there, she can't bring herself to keep going once Matt lets go. She has traveled solo about three feet and then as soon as she realizes she's on her own, the brakes go on and the feet come down. There are plenty of tears at even the thought of him letting go. One of my friends has suggested dropping it for now and bringing it back up when she's ready. But she's almost 8. How much longer can we wait? We bought adult bikes so that we could all ride as a family, but those plans are on hold. Any advice?
Comments
Liz, I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was about 12. I asked my dad to take the training wheels off when I was 7 or 8 and he told me if he did, he wouldn't put them back on. He was true to his word and so I didn't ride a bike for years. Like Faith, I was scared. This was probably partly because my mother didn't know how to ride a bike either. But my dad never did so as an adult. So I had no modeling to encourage me. That's got to help, if you can do it in a way that doesn't seem to be putting pressure on her. I think the pressure may be making it harder for her. Is she instigating these biking attempts, or are you? If it's you and her dad, maybe it would be better to back off until she asks to try again. It's clear she already knows she's missing out on something without being told. But as a note of comfort to you, I did not suffer hugely for learning to ride my bike late, especially because I didn't have really good friends in my neighborhood who were biking without me. I didn't get fat and watch TV all the time either. I just did other things when I played outside.
My more meaty suggestion is: Does she have a scooter, or whatever they call those sleek scooter-like things these days? Because that's how I learned, in the end. The scooter seemed much less threatening to me and was cool at the time, and I learned to balance on it. Balance and confidence are the key skills she needs. The first time I tried to ride a bike after I had become adept on the scooter, I did it. But I think that was the only way I built up the confidence to REALLY try (in the same way Faith is afraid to try after her dad lets go).
For what it's worth.
I had a LOT of skinned knees as a child. I can remember walking my bike home a whole four houses with blood running down my leg from a spill on the bike. And there were plenty more encounters after that.
My 8 year old has just learned how to ride his bike and not well, either. He doesn't have the balance thing down nor does he have steering really well. But he is learning and we are trying to encourage him. Having a bunch of kids in the neighborhood that ride bikes is also a great motivator.
Now maybe if you both have bikes, you can have her sit with a neighbor and say that y'all are going to ride bikes and if she sees y'all doing it, she might be more apt to try it. Or put the training wheels back on until she gets more confident.
From falling off of many horses, I have learned that the confidence is slow coming back, both from myself and to trusting the horse. I say just be patient and good luck!